


Rush

by Jacks



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-04
Updated: 2010-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacks/pseuds/Jacks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Hunters, betaed by the lovely Oparu (all mistakes are clearly mine), the result of her desire for water shower sex and mine for Chakotay to actually be allowed to get angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rush

The scorching water pouring over his head and chest did nothing to distract him from his fury. Twice he had called for the temperature to be changed but it made no difference.

He'd heard Kathryn enter the bathroom but still when the door to the shower opened, he tensed. He didn't want her there, for the first time since he'd known her. He didn't want anybody.

"I can't talk yet." He didn't turn to face her.

"I know," she said calmly.

They had fought. Correction, they hadn't fought, he had fought, as he'd fought with everyone he'd come across that day. Chakotay was angry like he hadn't been in a long time, since just before he'd joined _Voyager_. It was an anger he thought he'd finally mastered but the letters from home, eagerly anticipated, had shattered the balance he'd spent four years creating. The death...no, the decimation of the Maquis brought it all back. How had he imagined he could escape it? He was difficult, incapable of making anything work, as contrary as his father had always said. Everything he loved was eventually destroyed.

Kathryn hadn't relieved him of duty, hadn't flinched under the force of his rage. After studying him carefully for a moment, she'd suggested he cut his shift short. There was nothing pressing that required his attention. He'd gone to the holodeck, spent an hour in the ring, then another two beating Cardassians to a bloody pulp with his bare hands. It hadn't helped.

Her touch on his back caused his anger to rear up again and there was a bitter taste in his mouth. Chakotay bit down hard to fight the urge to shake her off but her hands were not tender and there was no need in them. Instead she stroked him firmly, practically, washing his skin matter-of-factly as if it were just another chore on a list of things to be done. He relaxed slightly and her fingers moved down to the middle of his back, finding the tightness under his shoulder blades and slowing there to knead at it.

He had taught her this, how to use the pads of the fingers to find the places where the muscles were knotted, twisted in on themselves until they were useless and filled with pain.

Continuing down she dropped to wash his legs, then stood abruptly.

"Rinse."

Turning obediently, he let the water course down his back. Reaching up, Kathryn soaped his neck and when her hands moved down to his collar bones he hissed involuntarily.

"You hurt there." She washed his chest and stomach without lingering but his body responded to her as it always did; to the sparkle in her eyes, the curve of her cheek, the whiteness of her shoulders. His body had known long before his mind, even before his heart. He'd been angry then too, lashing out at enemy and friend alike. Only once he'd settled down, settled into his place on _Voyager_ , had he realised what was happening between them.

Kathryn dropped again to wash his feet but this time she was slow on her way back up, caressing the inside of his thigh and the anger surged into a rush of arousal. It had never been like this before her. Other women had excited him and he had always loved sex, but he had never been so entirely at the mercy of another human being. He'd never wanted, never needed like he did with Kathryn. She had pushed her way past every defense and she hadn't even known she was doing it.

Her hands were on him, hardening him with firm strokes, until the pleasure of it taunted the rage still circling his brain. Chakotay wanted to pull away from her, as much to protect her as himself, from what felt like inevitable heartbreak and destruction. Nothing he loved ever stayed.

Acceptance and refusal waged a tiny war until she brushed the soap from the centre of his chest and placed her mouth there. Loving Kathryn wasn't the problem, a small voice reminded him, it was the solution.

Pulling out of her grasp, he rinsed himself quickly, then turned and moved forward, pressing her back against the wall. He kissed her hard but she was right there, strong and solid under his mouth, hands reaching up to twine in his hair. Need tore through his body like fire and he pushed his tongue into her mouth, suddenly desperate for as much of her as she could give. He was lost in kissing her, in the welcoming warmth of her mouth, unable to stop. She moaned and sucked at him, scraping her nails along his shoulders as she pressed back against his hips.

Chakotay broke away finally to breathe and she leaned her head back against the wall, eyes closed, flushed and gasping. Then he was on her breasts, licking off the water, sucking her nipples into his mouth again and again until she was pushing into him and moaning with pleasure.

Overwhelmed with the desire to claim what Kathryn was offering, he picked her up and when she wrapped her legs around him he entered her in one thrust.

The sound she made stopped him suddenly. The thought that he had been rough with her could have shredded him, but before it had fully formed she shook her head. "It's okay, it's okay," she murmured into his ear. "You're not hurting me."

Relief cascaded through him as he stood panting with his face buried in her neck and his cock buried deep inside her. Kathryn knew him better than anyone ever had. If he hurt her, if he lost her, if he cost her anything of value by knowing him; he couldn't stand to think of it.

She wriggled her hips, a slight little movement of pleasure. They hadn't been lovers for long but she did it every time, when he was first inside her, and every time it broke him open. "Don't stop," she pleaded and his need rose again.

Chakotay thrust hard and deep, her soft sighs urging him on. When he reached between them to touch her Kathryn pushed his hand away to stroke herself. "Just take," she whispered.

And he did, pushing himself into her again and again, drowning within her, because there was nowhere else for him to go. There was only Kathryn and what she gave him.

Feeling her tighten around him and cry out broke the almost-hypnotic rhythm and Chakotay took her faster, wilder, reaching for something. When he came it was with her name on his lips, as it always was, finding in his release a connection to her that soothed the jagged edges in a way nothing else ever had.

He rinsed himself on shaking legs then made room for her to do the same. Kathryn called for the water to stop, then dried herself quickly and him more gently with the towel. Threading her fingers into his she led him naked to the bedroom. They had never slept in his bed before but she climbed in without hesitation, tugging him in beside her. She was half propped on the pillows and when she reached for him he lay with his head on her breast.

Tears fell onto her bare skin. He wasn't crying, there were no sobs, just a welling up and spilling over that repeated again and again. Tears from a deep spring that refilled itself periodically no matter what choices he made for his life.

Kathryn stroked his hair in silence, occasionally moving a hand to run along his shoulders or down his back.

After a time when the tears stopped, Chakotay pressed a kiss to the hollow at the base of her throat and moved back to his own side of the bed. He lay facing her and slid a hand onto her hip, not wanting to break the connection entirely.

"Can you talk?"

He nodded, and he talked. He told her everything, right from the beginning, about the border and the raids and the Cardassians. About his parents and the arguing and the optimism and then finally about the confusion and the despair. He told her about the Maquis, the violence and terror, the bonds that developed, the good times that made him laugh, the belief that he had finally found a place where he belonged, where he was doing some good for the universe. He talked until he was hoarse, exhausted, and purged. Then he lay quiet beside her.

"I can't lose you."

"You're not going to lose me." Kathryn moved a little closer in the bed.

Chakotay shook his head. "You can't promise me that."

"I know."

There was a peaceful pause and sleep began to pull at him.

"Chakotay?"

He opened his eyes.

"You're not going to lose me."

He pulled her against him, wrapping her tightly in his arms, inhaling her very essence into his soul. Then closing his eyes, he surrendered to the dark.


End file.
